There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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