I think I won the penis lottery.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
