Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
