So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
