Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
