Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
