When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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