just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
