i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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