Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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