The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
