we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
pray to the hookup gods
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
