I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
