No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
