I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
