Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
