I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
