I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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