it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
