you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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