I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
