: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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