ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
