who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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