My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
