he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
