There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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