we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
