my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
