I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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