CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
