I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
