I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
