Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
