i'm signing you up for texting rehab
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
