i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
