In the future we'll all be gay
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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