a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Mom said you looked used
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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