I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
