It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
