What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
