Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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