In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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