i wish my penis had a tongue
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
