I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
