I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Found the puke drawer
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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