I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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