If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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