My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
