I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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