Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
