It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
