Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
