Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
