You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
